Secure your Insecurities

Not many like to talk about this, however there is a good chance it consumes the majority of space in the mind from time to time. Over the past few years, in different ways at different times, and because of different events I have realized many things about insecurities. Even though these were all different, they all shared one obvious factor, and that was how much your surroundings affect the way you look at everything -- especially yourself. It is the greatest competition of life.

Although there are many examples , I will focus on the weight loss journey. I lost a significant amount of weight my sophomore year of high school. For the first time, I was proud, proud of what I accomplished, proud that I succeeded at something I wanted. Why did I want this? At the time, I was unhappy with how I looked and wanted to change that and wanted to live a healthier, happier life. Aside from that, I was a high school girl, and with that comes the mentality of “what guy would think I am pretty” or “I will never be skinny like her, so unfair, she can eat anything,” blaming everyone else for my personal inability to find happiness within. This journey changed my way of thinking, however it also controlled my mind in a new way. With the weight loss came the constant fear, fear of going backwards, being that bigger girl again. No one praised or looked up to the bigger girl, they just made jokes on twitter, which is not uncommon in high school where kids forget that people aren’t everything you think they are.

What I am trying to express is that everyone struggles in some way with insecurities. Our world is controlled by constant competition between teammates, friend groups, coworkers, everywhere someone wants to be different in some way. I, for sure was stuck, stuck in my own head. Senior year I thought if I don’t go out every night I am a loser, or I won’t have friends. If I don’t look a certain way, or if I am not good enough at this sport, people won’t like me. I can not speak for others, but I don’t believe these thoughts are uncommon or unique to me. After losing all of the weight, I felt so good, but there was always something more. Sometimes I felt like I could never do anything right, when I was bigger, people called me fat. When I lost weight, people thought I was starving myself, which in today’s society is sadly not uncommon.. At the time, this bothered me so much, I felt like I couldn’t win. In the long run (literally) this taught me pleasing and impressing others is not how you find happiness, because it is impossible. I began to focus on my new passion, for fitness and nutrition, and then it became easier, and enjoyable.

When I returned from my trip, I realized I didn’t have to be like everyone else. As I listened to conversations back at home, typically it had to do with someone else or how that girls life was cooler, she had it all. Guess what, that girl probably thinks the same way about someone else. It is an endless spiral, and life is simply no fun if spent dwelling on what you think you should be like. The most important thing is the importance of knowing yourself. It is funny to me to think it took me 18 years to fully know who I am, you would think that would just kind of come with living in your body for all of this time.

Myself, and many people young and old today will continue to struggle with identity. Take a moment to think, what do you do that you love to do, not because someone else does it, or because someone told you to, because you genuinely love it? Take those things and run with them. My middle school science teacher once said “to be a leader, you will have to stand alone first, then people will follow”, and to this day I believe this to be true. Do what you love, it is not selfish to do things for yourself, for your happiness. With this comes self love, and let me tell you, life is so much brighter when you love yourself for who you are. It turns daily activities from chores that should/have to be done in order to be good enough into positive experiences you can genuinely enjoy.

Throughout the past year I have learned, if you want something, go after it, the only thing stopping you is you, also do what makes YOU happy, and with the weight loss factor, don’t be scared of what your body can or can’t do or how you look, be happy for what you are able to do and know that you can control it, so there is no need to fear it. This can absolutely take over, and honestly I believe can ruin your life. Take a moment to think about you, think about what you like, what and how you want to be, what makes you the happiest. Then go have a date with yourself and get to know each other, I promise you won’t regret it.